This Is My Love Letter To You
by this-is-my-permanent-username
Summary: An exchange of letters between Cammie and Zach.
1. Chapter 1

**Yay! New story! Everybody celebrate! I guess more stories will come soon, cos school starts and I guiltily admit, instead of studying or doing homework... I go on here...**_  
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_Dear Zach,_

_ I can imagine you sitting there in your sit, or lying in your bed or whatever, smirking because I sent you a letter... And don't deny it!_  
_I'm only doing this because I miss you. I miss you lots and we're spies, so something might happen to us. So I'm in Virginia writing a letter to you in Maine because I don't want us to become strangers and never hear from each other again. Please, Zach, however cheesy or stupid you might think this is, keep the letters going because being apart from you is killing me and I don't want it to. So this is my love letter to you._

_I heard about Blackthorne, that's really good news! And I'm sorry about you're mom, you may say it's nothing but she's your mom__ and I know you care and love her even if she's dead now. If you want to talk about it, or about anything, we can and I'll read it and I won't judge, Zach, I promise I won't._

_We did a small burial for my Dad a few weeks ago, I wish you had been there, but I doubt anyone would have told you which is a shame. It was really hard, it was the first time my mom had cried in front of me, before I had been watching her and she didn't know I was there. This time, in a way, it was better because I truly think that everything that has happened over these couple of years has brought us closer, and I'm glad for it because it's just me and her that are always going to be together. Her cooking hasn't got any better though... I doubt even a professional cook, could teach her how to!_

_Bex told me to say to you to say to Grant that he'd better get over here to see her soon as she misses him, and the way she said it, I'm gonna assume it's a threat! And I just asked Liz if she wanted to say anything to Jonas... She's blushing like a strawberry now ;)_

_I know this is a strange thing to ask, but to the girls know what Blackthorne was? It doesn't seem like something we would talk about much and we haven't really had the time. I don't want to bring it up if they don't know, strangely I think it would be better if they don't find out; it might change their opinion of Grant and Jonas._

_Mr Solomon's teaching Cove Op's again... I think a lot of people were just a tiny bit surprised! I'm glad that he's back and teaching again, I actually missed him! Weird, huh?_

_Do you think we're going to have another exchange, I heard my mom and Mr S talking about something the other day and I think it may have been something like that, but I keep telling myself not to get excited because it might never happen. But I'm still keeping my figures crossed._

_My nightmares... You know I had some of them once we returned from Ireland and me being on the roof, but I haven't had many of them recently. You're the only person I told about them because you're the one I trust most, love most, and think will understand the most. I'm only saying because I thought you may want to know that things are truly going back to normal, which I'm extremely grateful for._

_Macey's now telling me not to expect a reply, but you will reply won't you? You better, Zachary Goode because I'm a spy and can, and will, track you down and use some of my acquired P&E skills. _

_I'm a lot closer to Macey now, I reckon, because we really understand each other more and I'm so thankful for her because she's been so kind and stayed up with me on those nights when I couldn't sleep._

_I really wrote this letter because I love you. I love you, Blackthorne Boy, and I can honestly say, looking back at these last few months, or even last couple of years, that I couldn't have made it through without you. I wanted to say to your face that I love you, but we're both uncertain as to when we will see one another next. So I'm taking this chance to tell you how much I love you:_

_You make me feel safe. I can be myself when I'm around you, and I love that about our time together. Every single time I think about you, I can't help but get a smile on my face as you make me happier than I realize I've been in a long time. I really can't put in to words how much you mean to me because no words seem to say enough (even though I know a lot of words...)_

_Please reply, Zach, it will mean so much to me if you did._

_Yours,_

_Cammie x_

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**Did you like it? There's gonna be more, quite obviously, so tell me if you like. The next chapter is going to be from Zach!**

**Review when you're done!**

_**S.W.A.L.K**_

_**this-is-my-permanent-username**_

_**xxx**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Cammie,_

_I'll admit I found this cheesy at first, but never stupid. It's the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me... And it will probably be the sweet thing anyone will ever do for me. I miss you too, Gallagher Girl. And you're right too many spies just lose contact with the ones they love, and I don't want that because I do love you, Cammie, and I don't want to turn out like my mother; alone, bitter and angry._

_She wanted you dead, Cammie, I'll never forgive her for that, I don't think, because she tried to take away the one person who's ever cared for me, and that I've ever felt at home with. Do I love her? I can't answer that because I don't _know. _How are you meant to love someone like that? They didn't do a burial for her, I don't even know where she is and I doubt I ever will. I wish somebody had done something for her, I think it may have made it more final, you know, case closed, and I could continue on with my life. Maybe one day, I'll accept her, accept the fact that she was never going to be a normal mother, accept that she loves me in her own way, accept that I love her too. I hope that day is soon._

_I remember one time, when she was actually like a mother, we had a water fight one evening in the garden and we had so much fun, and looking back now I wish she had been like that in the last few years, because she was beautiful then, happy and an amazing mother. I just don't think she realized it._

_Blackthorne changing in to a spy school, from an assassin school, was well a big change for most, some guys left because some of what they now teach us is so different, but I'm pleased. I don't think I could last much training to be that._

_I wish I'd been there too, I honestly do, but I couldn't make it, but I was thinking of you, Cam, I really was. They did tell me, but everyone told me not to go, that they didn't think it was a good idea, seeing as my mother most likely killed him. As it turned out, I had something else on, but I thought of you and your mom all day. I'm sorry I couldn't come, I regret it more than anything. I miss you more than anything, as you mean more to mean than anyone every has._

_Grant misses her too, he was mumbling her name in his sleep just a few days ago, Jonas and I wouldn't leave him alone for the rest of the week. Jonas blushes anytime anyone mentions Liz, so yeah, I'd say he likes her._

_I haven't told the girls about what Blackthorne used to be, and I know nor Grant or Jonas have either because you are right, their opinion and feelings towards them would change, if they knew what we were to become. There are also some things that spies will never know, I think this is one of those things._

_Gallagher Girl, you should really be more patient. Maybe Blackthorne will come, maybe it won't, you'll just have to just wait and see. But, Cammie, I promise you will see me soon, whether on an exchange or not, we will be together soon, I promise that._

_The nightmares were always going to, Cams, but they may come back as well. Just know, Cammie, that every night I'm thinking about you, that I love you, and that everything will be okay. I promise._

_-Zach _

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_**Please review?**_

_**Love-**_

_**this-is-my-permanent-username**_

_**xx**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys!**_  
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_Dear Zach,_

_I actually screamed when I saw the letter with __your__ handwriting on, I was so happy, unbelievably so. I was ecstatic, it meant so much, I was overwhelmed, because you took the time to reply. And you put so much thought in to it, I just couldn't believe it. Thank you, thank you, Blackthorne Boy, thank you so much. I guess I didn't have to use my P&E skills and come find you!_

_You're not your mother Zach. No matter how many people tell you that you will turn out like her; you won't. Firstly, because you love me, you care about me and you protected me. I guess that's three reasons. Another reason, Zach, is that you're not a woman... So, you know, you're never going to be exactly like her are you?_

_I think you do love her, though, because you care about what she did. And for you to care she must mean something to you, and you spent time thinking about her. One day, Zach, I know that you will accept all those things or else, they will tear you apart and weigh you down like an anchor. They only way you love someone like that, is just by accepting them; knowing that the will never change, but they love you. And she raised you, she did a good job of it as well, so that's one good thing, isn't it? Don't let your anger towards her hurt you because that's the way anger goes; hey Buddha said - 'holding on to anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one that gets burned.' don't let that happen to you, because you can do something to prevent it. She may have wanted me dead, Zach, but I'm not, am I? I'm as happy and as alive as anyone else, please forgive her, because I have. She's your mother and the only family, except Joe, that you've ever known._

_Remember her like that, the way you just said. Beautiful, happy, and an amazing mother. Let her realize that now, and let yourself too._

_I'm so glad that is now a spy school, because if you had stayed longer there, I reckon you would have changed, and I could never be without you. How much changed then? I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to change from a spy school to an assassin school, you had to do the opposite though, which is good, and I'm overjoyed by that._

_In a way, you were at that burial, because I pictured you there. You gave me all the support I needed, and some._

_Liz, will be so happy when I tell her, she obsesses over him (but don't tell her I told you!) Bex wants to video chat with Grant sometime. She can't stand letters - or snail mail - because it takes too long or so she says. How sweet, Grant dreaming about my Bexy, she'll kill him for that! Mace, is, well she likes Preston, I'd say, but you know she's denying it, though I almost got something out of her they other day when it was just us, but then Mr S came in so she shut up quickly, and played it off._

_Yeah, I guess you're right. Blackthorne being that type of school, is the past, so there is no reason for them to find out, because they don't need to, and well Lizzie is still kinda innocent; I want it to stay that way for at least a little while longer.  
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_Zachary Goode! You know something I don't! How do you always find out this stuff? I just don't get it! I do really want you to come though, I keep dreaming about it, which is good because that means it replaces the nightmares. But at least you promised we'd be together soon, and I believe you because I trust you and love you. And I just think we will anyway; we have to._

_Zach, you are the best boy I have ever met, I hope that I know you my whole life; but if I don't I know, and you should to, I won't, I can't, forget you. Please don't forget me._

_I have to go now, it's Sunday, and I have to eat dinner with my mom, the wonderful cook._

_Love,_

_Cammie xx_

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	4. Chapter 4

_Cammie,_

_Do you know what it was like to read that letter? Hard. So hard, I had to put it down half way through. and for the stupidest reason: you get me. That's idiotic. It's what took me so long to reply. I just, I have always wanted someone who understood. Someone who can see what I think and not judge. And, even though it is what I wanted, I was frightened. I was so scared and so I'm sorry, Cam. Really._

_And I don't even know why. I wish for something for so long and when it's real it's like I don't understand; I tell myself I don't want it. That's one of the toughest things, you know, lying to yourself. Lying about something that is so blatantly true, it's so painful and stupid. All those years I had felt like I was alone and needed someone I could love, trust and actually understood me. I got that but I got scared._

_Stupid, yeah? But, I was afraid. _

_Sorry, Cammie. But, I do have a surprise for you. A surprise which I hope makes you happy, but don't ask about it, Cam! Surprise for a reason._

_I love you and I miss you. I don't want to hurt you, but I think I already have. This is going to be a short letter, because I'm planning the surprise._

_Grant says to say he misses Bex, and she'd better message him or something._

_Jonas, meanwhile, blushes when we mention Liz. (He's reading over my shoulder, telling me to not write that.) You'd better tell Liz, (No, cries Jonas. Yes, I smirk)._

_Blackthorne is so different now, it looks more friendly now, I guess. You'd be surprised, it looks more like a school._

_I can't forget you, Cameron. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, you are unforgettable. I'm prepared for Bex to track me down and kill me for not replying (remind her I am still a trained assassin.)_

_And, yes, Cam, your mother is a wonderful cook!_

_Zach._

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**Short? Yes. Good? I hope. **

**Review because, honestly, it's your reviews that made me write this chapter. The next chapter will hopefully be up next weekend.**

**Love, **

**this-is-my-permanent-username**


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